2.19.2006

Today

green

Happy National Mint Chocolate Day!

the end.

2.17.2006

School

I'm getting tired of writing papers. Which is a bummer, because I have 1-2 a week from here until the end of the semester... this week it was one per class day (MWF), and I just finished one for Monday, with two more big ones in the next weekish. I'd like to say, I don't mind French class, but seriously, 1.5 pages per week of complex sentence structure is just a tad overwhelming. I spend a good chunk of my afternoon accomplishing this feat. But yay, no more French movie papers EVER! Too bad I've still got the chapter compositions to go... I'm sure you don't want to read about my homework, but it has consumed my life as of late, and I don't know what else to talk about. I only see Britni at home sometimes, I don't have much time to just hang out with people, and I don't have time to visit Ian in studio... its all incredibly depressing. And on top of it all, Michelle Kwan dropped out of the Olympics... I know its for the best health wise and such for her, but she's my hero. I've spent over half my life watching her skate, wishing I could be like her, and her career is now over. I feel old. And depressed.

I suppose this all makes my life sound much worse than it really is. I guess I just feel like venting right now. On the upside, I had an amazing Valentine's Day run, thanks to Ian! Skating, Harry's, a beautiful watch, an amazingly soft and adorable stuffed puppy, and a fun crayon decorated memory book makes for an amazing evening, and we got to spend some time together on Tuesday, too, despite him having to work (I love the red daisies)! My bible study girls are amazing... and visiting houses is always fun! (Lindsey, I know if you're reading this, you're throwing up right now... no more mush in the post, I promise.)

I'm contemplating working at a camp in Arizona for the summer. I really think that God is leading me in this direction, but if you could all pray about it for me, I'd really appreciate it. I want to spend my summer where God wants me!

My apologies for how random this whole thing was... I think my brain just vomited out my fingers... lovely mental picture, I know. But I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Oh, one last thing, there's a new poem up on my other blog... If you're from a small town in Kansas, I think you'll really appreciate it. Anyway, that's my shameless plug! The End.

Smalltown, Kansas

“Through a magnifying glass, the smoothest and whitest skins look rough and coarse and ill colored.”
~Gulliver’s Travels, Part 2

i.
A tiny oasis breaks the vast horizon.
The remnant of a Leave-It-To-Beaver world
with perfectly manicured lawns,
smiling faces,
and the quintessential
American homes.

ii.
He broke the cardinal rule
of their open marriage.
His 53 women, her 47 men,
but then he brought one home.
She meets her lawyer tomorrow.

iii.
Student body president,
star basketball player,
and honor roll student,
heading back into town for more booze,
joking with the cops, who let them go,
then dying for the life they secretly hate.

iv.
There’s something a little bit,
funny, about him.
The son of two curious siblings
who went out to the field
for an afternoon of discovery.

v.
A secret list down at the P.D.
The ones they can’t arrest for anything
short of murder.
The ones who always get
whatever they want.
The ones who make up
the oligarchy
in the middle of
America.

2.05.2006

They Call Her Kate

She stumbled in
to the darkened front room
tears silently streaming down her face.
Not so different from being

alone
in a hot, crowded room
full of smoke,
and sweaty bodies,
the overpowering smell of alcohol,
and the one person
she thought mattered in her life.

In high school, she used dancing, cheering,
a boyfriend, a best friend,
and a golf course community castle
to mask the pain of a life broken by
disappointed love
and a pseudo-mother only concerned with
maintaining perfection in her own life.

She left to find herself.
The self smothered
under layers
of striving
to meet
expectations.

She found him.

The apparent gift
of love and acceptance
opened up to find
the same world of not being enough.
Blonde enough, thin enough, happy enough.
Devoured by the conformity
she was running to escape
once again left broken and empty.