I was so honored Dane asked Emily and I to give eulogies for Micki, alongside him, Ian, and Ren. The following is what I shared at the services in Lafayette, CO, and Goodland, KS.
I have had the privilege of knowing Micki for 14 years, and calling her my mother-in-law for 11. But more than that, she became my second mom, and one of my greatest friends.
While Ian and I were dating, Micki was incredibly warm and welcoming, and made me feel like I was already part of the family. Her joy at our wedding was overflowing (admittedly in part with the excitement of no longer being the only female in the family). And she gave me two pieces of marriage advice. First, Scherling men always forget things, so make sure you have the football tickets before you leave the house. Second, extend grace. I’m not always great at following this, but Ian and I’s marriage is at its best when I do.
Micki and I grew closer over the three months Ian and I lived in Dane and Micki’s basement, after Ian’s graduation while we waited for him to get a job offer. Micki welcomed me into her incredible bible study community, which was exactly what I needed in a time full of unknowns. We cooked together—I will never forget making a three-generation coconut pie and how gracious she and Grandma Judy were when my part, the filling, turned into soup. We laughed together, shopped together, watched HGTV together, and painted and decorated together. And when Ian got the call from Boston that he had a place at Sasaki, Micki and Grandma Judy flew out to help move us into our new third-floor apartment. Small but mighty Micki helped Ian carry our new IKEA sofa up the stairs when my arms gave out.
After our move, we looked forward to Micki’s annual eye appointment trip to Boston, because there was no way we wouldn’t have adventures. Salem, Nantucket, Washington DC, Cape Cod, always with good food and unforgettable moments, like when Micki and I got lost on the bus in Southie on the way to a craft fair. If you ask either one of us, we totally saw Matt Damon.
We also had this running joke. Ian and I would say, “Move to Boston and we’ll have grandkids.” Micki and Dane’s response? “Have grandkids and we’ll move to Boston!” Then they called our bluff, and moved to Cape Cod. We got to spend time together at least every couple weeks, courtesy of Micki’s treatments at Dana Farber. Classic Micki, she made such an impression on our cranky Boston landlord that he offered free parking for her behind our building whenever she was in town, and every time we talked to him, he would tell us to give her his best.
We also spent a lot of time visiting Micki, Dane, and Grandma Judy on the Cape. Because when you have a free place to stay on the Cape, you go often. We explored new beaches, tried new ice cream shops (a Micki favorite: Cape Cod Mud at Katie’s in Hyannis), and browsed adorable little shops for more beachy decor. Every visit, there was always some fun new place she wanted to take me. And we had so many deep discussions about life and relationships while strolling along Craigville Beach, preferably in the off season, when the beaches were wide open and we could ignore all the “private beach” signs because the owners weren’t home.
When Ian and I finally saved up enough money to buy our own home, Micki was thrilled, and immediately volunteered to take as many trips as needed to help us make it our own. Micki and I spent lots of weekends in our painting clothes, and in exchange Ian and Grandma Judy kept us well fed. Micki helped paint at least half our home, and loved seeing everything we’d accomplished between each of her visits. Even though they were only on the Cape for a year and a half, we made the most of it. I will forever cherish the way we were able to grow our friendship in that time.
And then I had the joy of seeing her blossom into the grandma she was always meant to be. Words can’t capture her excitement when she heard the news that Ian and I were expecting. She sent me at least one card every month for the rest of my pregnancy, each full of cherished encouragement and parenting advice.
One card had a cartoon with a mother asleep on the sofa, the house a mess, and her toddler next to her on the phone saying “It took forever but I finally got her down for a nap…” Micki’s inscription assured me that falling asleep with a toddler around is inevitable. So “duct tape the toilet seat shut. Trust me.”
When our daughter, Lucy, was born, she had to spend three weeks in the NICU, and didn’t get discharged until the day my parents flew back to Kansas. Thankfully, Micki arrived the next day and helped us survive all the extra pediatrician appointments, the lactation support groups, and the sleep deprivation of being at home with a newborn. I know Micki wasn’t feeling her best on that trip, but that didn’t matter to her. She volunteered for late night and early morning shifts with Lucy, and worked on painting the nursery when she wasn’t on baby duty, something I planned but didn’t get to do because of unexpected bedrest and an early delivery.
And even from halfway across the country, Micki was there to support me as a parent. During Ian’s work trips, when I was home alone to get dinner on the table for a very hangry Lucy, Micki was just a FaceTime away, with an incredible knack for keeping Lucy occupied until her food was ready. Micki’s joy at being a part of our every day was only matched by Lucy’s joy every time she saw her beloved Grandma Mookie, on screen or in person. Micki, you encouraged and enabled us to live in a way that we wouldn’t have a lot of regrets once you were gone, but it breaks my heart that you won’t be here to play dress up or host tea parties with Lucy like you imagined.
You have been a huge influence on my life, and my faith. I, and everyone you have met, have seen Jesus through you. I am so thankful that you are finally cancer-free, and I know you’re already planning out adventures for when we’re all together again.
And you live on here with us. You have changed me, and I hope I can be for others what you have been for me. I love you so much, Mookie.
Micki was one of the strongest, kindest, most generous people I have ever met. For 13 years, she lived with joy and passion in the face of a terminal illness, and used every minute of that time to make a difference. If you are one of the countless lives she has impacted, please consider making a donation in her memory to support the fantastic work METAvivor is doing in the field of metastatic breast cancer research. You can also view Micki's full obituary and memorial video online.
Also, a huge thank you to our amazing community of family and friends, for all your love, prayers, and encouragement over the past year, and especially the past few days. We can't do life without you.